My mind in pain

      I can't say anything.. I can't trust something i can't understand.. I'm just a walking wreck. I don't even believe myself.. Caved in between 4 walls most of the time, skating when is sunny outside.. But those are things that I can do all by my self but it's to sad.. I can't turn back time and god how I miss these day's, but if i didn't enjoy them when i had it all, to late now.. Seems like everything works like "if it's now, it's ok, but if you do things later and not then when you're suppose to do it, later is just not an option".
      Maybe sometimes my mouth takes over and say things i regret, maybe i am not good enough to worth someone, maybe i simply am not consciously enough to realize the gravity of the situation.. The fact is that i live in an unreal world.. I don't believe in this reality.. Everything works well a period of time, the all of the sudden everything change's with ease.. My worst fear of mine it's to be alone for ever.. I can isolate myself from things, thoughts like these, worry's and probably calm myself down after I destroy whats left of my body.. Maybe I'm just crazy.. For a certain thing, i admin, i need help.. I need someone to care for me the way i need, the way i always dreamed.. But as someone said " life is not a movie", this story has a bad way to begin and i am afraid that it wont end well either.. If someone up there exists and loves me, it sure has a strange way to show me that.. To end these words with nonsense, i can only wish that a certain person, a certain someone special for me could show more affection.. Yes i know, there were times when i was stupid (not that now I'm different), but as someone has expectations from me, i hope I've got the right to think the same.. May the hole world know with who i am, who i love, but people, hear me this: if any of you interferes in my life in a bad way and succeeds, know that I am a fighter and someday I will rise like a phoenix from ashes. Make something more useful with your time..
      I don't even know why I've got this blog, it always makes me sad cause it always put's me on memories.. oh well.. who cares anyway...